Theirs was never an easy relationship. They had this strange connection that drew them together, like orbiting planets magnetically attracted to each other. Often they would collide and the experience was harsh and challenging. Sometimes even brutal. Yet at other times, the magic that occurred between them was more like a romantic episode from a Mills and Boon novel.
It was confusing to both of them. They each had a dream of what the perfect partner would be and they resisted and challenged the other, as if to argue with God’s plan because it didn’t match the illusionary expectation they each had in mind. The perfect fantasy script, where both could live happily ever after, adored by the other, like twin souls bound together in fusion. Except that both of them had experienced this ‘harmonious’ love before and both of them had had their hearts broken, as they had lost themselves and been consumed in a state of apparent bliss. The desperation and unrealistic hope of having a flawless and efficient relationship with no complications. They were both therefore, questioning the purpose of relationship and how to revisit it, such that there were three aspects instead of one. Each person as an individual and the relationship as the third quite distinct component in itself. So for them, as for most people, there was the ordinary human expectation of what constituted a perfect relationship ie an idealised merging of two individuals into one – or more appropriately, really two halves coming together as a whole. And then, the realisation that this was actually a co-dependent smokescreen, to what was really the intended journey. Which was, that the use of relationship be a medium for the soul to grow and fulfil its potential and as a guide and teacher for our own personal evolution of consciousness. And, contrary to the love sitcoms constantly thrust at us in the media, that this would inevitably mean that relationship was often far from comfortable and easy. Sofia was quite clear about this and was immensely grateful for all that she had learned about herself and life as a result of her adventures and dramas with Jak. Jak too more recently, had begun to look at their relationship from this bigger perspective and acknowledge how much he too had grown in awareness. He stopped seeing her solely as a thorn in his side, as if she was some kind of personal insult sent to wound him for no reason. It was an opportunity for them both, to step out of the purely physical dimension with all its earthly elements and sense of the personal. To understand the alchemic journey of surrender to the unknown, within the union of relationship, letting go of the mind with its demands and control of how things should be to satisfy the ego and fears of being alone and unloved. It was scary and uncomfortable to step out of the status quo but somehow they were bound together in a voyage of discovery, that at its best, was rich and delicious and at its worst almost unbearable. They were both very different characters, often viewing life from polar opposite perspectives. Equally, at the start of the relationship, Sofia was only just establishing her fragile sense of self, after years of being an anesthetised clone of what others had demanded. Jak on the other hand, was a strong-minded individual, who had stoically survived and battled from a loveless background, to reach a place where he was much more solid in his sense of identity and self worth. This panicked Sofia, who was unable to hold onto her centre, when anyone opposed or had different views that seemed to destabilise her very existence. It wasn’t that Jak or any other individual for that matter, was doing anything wrong or being unkind. Quite the contrary in fact. But Sofia needed to be able to sing her own tune quite clearly and confidently, before she could join others to sing and ‘hold’ her notes in harmony. She was for a time, therefore quite literally over-powered by Jak and his confidence and outlook on life. It was as if he threatened her very survival, as she fought to stay true to herself and her newly found values. She was clumsy in her efforts to stay centred, often justifying and being defensive to Jak and others but it was infinitely better for her than becoming totally disempowered and disappearing as she had done in the past. Jak on the other hand, also fell into reaction when she was less than loving, as he was haunted by a past of being somehow wrong and with an equally desperate need to be accepted and loved. However, at the same time, there was this extraordinary magic that Jak referred to as ‘fairy dust’, that seemed to just envelop them from time to time. Jak could quite literally light Sofia’s fire and it was as if a new person emerged out from nowhere. Astrologically, he was able to bring her Aries sun essence, out of the hidden depths of the 12th house, where it had been dormant for far too long. The same thing happened for Sofia when she went to Italy which was her spiritual home. She could suddenly be charged with energy and a sense of power that rendered her victim fears to a place in the distant past. That was his power over her. The ability he had to bring her out of herself, so she could sparkle and shine as the radiant soul she really was. She found herself wanting to say yes to life again. He made her laugh and that was priceless. Jak had the capacity to rub off the dust and grime that masked the glittering diamond that lay underneath. And when he caught a glimpse of the diamond, he would become so excited and almost bewitched, that this exuberance literally rubbed off on Sofia. No-one, least of all Sofia, could be immune to this sort of admiration and love. She on the other hand somehow softened Jak’s edges, his defences that were so well in place, to protect his soft and tender core. This was something she had done for years with her father and other men, as they somehow knew, she could be trusted not to trample or reject their innermost feelings. They could emerge from behind their secret and very independent, male worlds to re-connect at a deeper heart level. Sofia had a way to melt Jak into a place of vulnerability where in sharing his truth, it was equally like finding buried treasure. When he shared from this place, their energies merged and the union was complete. As much as Jak adored the emergence of Sofia’s beauty, passion and power, Sofia was mesmerised by Jak’s tenderness, playfulness and sensitivity. Time stood still. From this place, it was clear they were not really so very different. They both had sacred wounds from which they were healing and each held a key for the other. A key that unlocked hidden and disowned parts in themselves, that until now had remained unrealised. Theirs was a golden opportunity to maximise potential not yet fully understood or recognised. For three years, they had battled with projections and each others’ opposites, unable to see and empathise clearly with what was really happening. Unable to see the gift in the adversarial situations and challenges. Now it was different. They had finally found a new and effective way to openly communicate and it was as if a light bulb had suddenly gone on. They both marvelled at how this could just happen almost overnight. Two souls who had for three years fought and misunderstood each other, so profoundly, yet who now, were revelling in their differences and the love that was pouring out between them. For Sofia it was like finding Green and Black’s organic chocolate, when the cupboard had appeared bare. For Jak, it was like he had been given some unexpected toys on his birthday as a young boy. With this new state of being Jak and Sofia made a commitment to each other, to honour their differences and to always be conscious when either was triggered or charged into some negative reaction. To celebrate this as an opportunity and as a blessing to look at parts of themselves stuck in judgement, fear and blame. To always notice when they separated from their hearts and from love, as an outdated and painful way they had learnt to survive. They saw the opportunity to use their relationship as a vehicle for growth instead of simply a means to an end. They were in new territory - in un-chartered waters trying to be conscious together, instead of falling into roles and unhelpful patterns of relating. With hindsight and strange as it was, it was now blatantly clear that they had both needed the three previous years to find themselves individually, before being able to commit to the relationship, as intense and passionate as it was. They could, therefore let go of constant past analysis and simply trust it was all meant to be. That timing and appropriateness could not be ignored. They could commit to being totally present to the other, for as long as it was appropriate and without agendas and unrealistic expectations. To let go and surrender to the relationship because of the awareness and safety of the strong core and sense of self that Jak and Sofia each had. The three parts were intact. A new journey had begun.
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