I forgot who I was altogether
The drug they used was the best I went to sleep for thirty nine years Felt no pain, just anaesthetised fears Invisible deprivation, no trail, no verdict Brainwashed from the start, all memories erased Programmed as a superstar, the family heroine Desperate to achieve, driven to win Sleeping Beauty, awoken by an unwelcome prince A prince of fatigue and breakdown Kissed by exhaustion and bodily pain Coming alive to myself despite being lame But without any drugs the withdrawal is agony Thirty nine years of betraying myself A lifetime of emotions kept locked away A pressure cooker near exploding night and day Being with myself hurts too much I’m like a panicked ball of terror A murky lake where in entering I’ll drown Can I dive that deep to retrieve my crown? It’s like open surgery with no anaesthesia Sometimes the trauma needs filtering But the time has come to surrender and let go To have faith in my path and to go with the flow Please help me to dive for the pearls so deep To celebrate my birth and awakening Please love and nurture this fragile new space So with your support I can see God’s grace
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