I’m tiny, I’m angry, I’m lost and alone
I’m a prisoner with no choices, and I want to go ‘home’ You tell me it’s all planned, that my soul made a choice When I want to scream - ‘help me’ - at the top of my voice I don’t care, there’s no point, no-one hears, there’s no hope Endless pretences, games, strategies to cope She was trained by the best to put whipped cream over garbage The elephant in the room, the abused child creating carnage She pays out thousands in therapies, learns new tools every day Apparently determined to find a new way Friends marvel at her courage, her persistence and grace When I know she’s scared shitless, terrified to lose face So it’s me that’s the problem I’ve always been here There’s no outside demon or devil to fear Whatever she does, however hard she tries I’m the silent saboteur while she repeatedly cries I’m not vicious or unkind, I just don’t give a shit I’m not prepared to conform in order to fit If people use, manipulate and plunder my light Then ‘I don’t care’ is the best way to fight But in truth I’m exhausted holding on in this way Undermining freedom just to have some kind of say I’m trusting to a miracle, the frog longing for a kiss Some way to transform ‘I don’t care’ into bliss I know all the methods, I’ve studied all the tools ‘What you resist will persist’, I’m nobody’s fool And yet despite all this ‘knowing’, I still close my heart To the tender little part who so deserves a new start
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