Intense fluttering, butterflies seek their rightful place
Another ‘mourning’ beckons, stares me straight in the face Breathing deeply as shock kicks in on first waking Knowing in death there is bliss, no suffering, no faking Boulders pressing down on a sad, heavy chest Anxiety too strong, never allowing for rest Airways restricted, breath barely passing through I must speak the truth, the mundane and the taboo Is this a dread of waking or the thrill of life itself? The dark combination of meeting in this void? Haunting memories of a loss too painful to mention A body crippled from trauma and life long tension Four breaths in – pause, four breaths out – pause The safety afforded by these habitual doors Don’t stop and contract, shutting down to survive You must remember the breathing, the choice to thrive There’s no easy explanation for a grief this deep No answers, quick fixes, promises you can keep Reality can be stark, relenting and brutal Strategies help sustain but in the end are futile As I stay closely aligned to the salvation of breath There is no denying that it’s HIS – not my death Twin souls and bodies entangled and entwined Life and death, in this tender and precious double bind
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